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Tuesday, April 11, 2017

"Love in 90 Days" by Diane Kirschner, PhD

This book title immediately caught my eye.  Love in 90 days?  Really?  Come on!  But the author is a PhD, so she can't just be making this stuff up.  So I began reading solely out of curiosity.  While I can not say that 90 days is some magical number, the advice that the author gives is excellent.  It sets the way for readers to have the potential for real love.   The most important aspect is labeling men as DUDs versus STUDs, dating multiple people at once before committing to one person, and reprogramming negative self talk.  Let's take a scenario.  Sally has low self esteem and dates Jack.  Jack does not treat Sally very well, but she stays with him because she secretly believe he is the best she could get.  Sally stays with Jack and ends up in a sad marriage.  Now, let's apply the Love in 90 Days philosophies to rewrite that story.  Sally works on herself to develop more self-confidence.  She dates Jack and realizes she deserves better.  Sally does not commit to Jack but instead keeps dating because she knows she can do better.  Eventually, Sally meets Dan who is wonderful and treats her like the jewel that she is.  Sally decides to stay with Dan and goes on to have a happy love.  In the book, the author also emphasizes the importance of what I refer to as, "get up, dress up, show up."  Readers are encouraged to believe in themselves, get makeovers, and go places where men are.  While women do not have to be pursuers in relationships, the author encourages talking to men, starting friendships, and building those confident social skills.  With many relationships based on friendship, it only makes sense that to increase one's odds of meeting that special someone, people need to get out and talk to people.  While the book is geared toward women, I would argue the tips could also work for men. 

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