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Friday, April 28, 2017

"Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

While it seems like a simple concept, saying yes and saying no can be incredibly difficult for many people.  Afraid of guilt, losing relationships, or the unknown, countless people try to do good but lose themselves in the process.  In this book, both PhD authors give sound advice on how to "take control of your life."  There are distinct chapters on boundaries for family, children, spouses, friends, and more.  In the beginning and end of the book, there is a story about a woman with and without boundaries.  The difference is stark and is one left for the reader.  Throughout the book, there is an emphasis on starting small, getting support groups, and dealing with feelings.  When readers start to stand up for themselves, they may be met with unwanted responses.  Nevertheless, drawing lines in the sand is a must.  From a psychological perspective, there is an emphasis on childhood needs and how a lack of boundaries in one's youth may have an impact on adult boundary problems.  Luckily, with help and effort, readers can learn to draw boundaries, regardless of age.  Are you stuck in an unloving relationship?  Do you end up staying late at work?  Do siblings or friends ask you to lend them money?  Does your mother or friend guilt you into countless hours on the telephone?  Then you will gain something from this book.  The greatest message I got from this book is that we are all responsible for ourselves and how we react to others.  If we let others to interfere with our feelings (i.e.- "they made me"), we are not in control in our life.  It should be noted that this book quotes heavily from the Bible, particularly the New Testament, and has many Christian undertones.  Still, the life lessons in the pages apply to people of all faiths.

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