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Thursday, December 14, 2017

"Love Factually" by Duana C. Welch, PhD

After finding a quote from this book on the internet, I just had to know more.  As someone who is an engineer by trade, I love facts and data.  Since the topic of relationships can be tricky, why not consult the science?  And that's exactly what this book does.  With candid humor, Welch explains the science behind what makes a relationship work.  While lots of people can give advice, the author's PhD and extensive list of references in the back of the book makes me pay attention a little more.  Welch talks about women's need for protections / provision alongside men's need for youth / beauty.  This ties in to not dating "out of one's league."  An example is a woman in her 50s who only wants to date doctors.  Welch points out that a doctor makes lots of money and can easily get a younger woman.  If the woman in her 50s was open to dating more different types of men, she may find someone who truly loves her for her.  Another example is the average-looking average-salary man in his 40s who only wants a stunning 20 year old.  The 20 year old with youthful beauty can get either a young good looking man her own age or an older man who makes more money.  For the man in his 40s to find love, he should start dating men closer to his age range.  While this may seem stereotypical, the science backs it up in the book.  Welch also discusses how men want to chase women.  While women love to be chased and be given attention, if they turn that strategy around on men, it will literally chase the men away.  I love the aspect of not settling.  If a woman is not being treated well, she should walk away.  There are also examples of men who sincerely want to commit to women but who are still undesirable.  One example is the wealthy man who wants to marry the beautiful woman...but keep the house separate, the bills separate, and exclude the woman from health insurance.  The woman ended up dumping the millionaire and marrying a plumber who, while he made less money, was more willing to share what he had.  Then Welch discusses the issue of commitment and BTNs (better than nothings).  Men who get easy access to intimacy and playing house (i.e.- premarital relations and cohabitation) have little to no incentive to commit.  And BTNs are better left dumped.  Wasting time with someone less than what you want / deserve degrades self confidence over time.  Women holding out on premarital relations / cohabitation also forces the man to decide what he wants.  So many woman nowadays are being used for intimacy / cooking by men who only view them as a BTN.  There are so many more facts in the book, and I encourage readers to give this book a chance.  The way the book is structured, it makes for a great reference once it's completed.  I anticipate going back to this book in the future.  Never settle and use science to find love!
 
 

Saturday, December 9, 2017

"Boundaries in Dating" by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

I had read the regular "Boundaries" book by these authors and loved it.  When I saw there was a dating version of the book, I jumped at the opportunity to read it.  The PhD authors have yet to disappoint me.  This book not only has solid advice but also professional counseling to back it up (the authors are not those who just talk without any research).  A few common themes pop up in this book.  Of course, people should save sex for marriage.  Religious beliefs aside, abstinence before marriage makes sense.  As the authors explain, those who will not wait for intimacy have trouble delaying gratification and are not serious about their partner (if they were serious, they'd get married).  The authors also talk about not losing oneself in the sense of cutting off friends, family, and hobbies.  When there is an infraction in the relationship, the authors suggest setting appropriate consequences to improve behavior and ending the relationship when absolutely necessary.  For example, if a date is consistently date, tell them they won't see you for X days because being punctual is important to you.  If they learn and improve, great.  If this goes on and on and on, there is a character issue and lack of respect.  What I also enjoyed is the fact that the authors mentioned some people have their own mental and character issues.  No matter how perfect any man or woman may be, if their partner is messed up, behavior and character will never change.  This book is phenomenal and I would recommend it to those who are dating.  There are Christian undertones in this book, but they aren't overdone.  Also, due to the authors' PhD / relationship counseling background, their points are not based on the Bible and nothing else.  They also back up their points with stories from clients (names changed of course) and clinical research on relationship psychology. 

"Praying the Scriptures for your Young Adult Children" by Jodie Berndt

As a young adult myself, I wanted to see what sort of prayers a guardian-figure or parent would pray for me.  From relationships--friendship and romantic--to jobs to safety to addiction and more, this book covers so many topics facing the youth of today.  What I also enjoyed were the personal stories giving examples of troubles young adults are facing.  Berndt tells many tales of her own children as well as the children of her friends (names changed of course).  When it comes to the actual prayers, the approach is lovely.  Bible verses are adapted to short prayers with "fill in the blanks" when one can write names of young adult children.  Each scriptural prayer has a reference so anyone can look up the entire biblical context if they so desire.  This book has Christian undertones as there are New Testament quotations, as well as various references to Jesus.  That aside, the desires of safety and success and happiness for one's young adult children I would say reach those of all faiths.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

"How to STOP Negative Thoughts" by Barbara Ireland

I received this book after attending a live seminar with the author.  After being blown away at the class material, I devoured the book.  Even though this book is not very lengthy, there is a ton of excellent advice and tips packed into the chapters.  The whole concept of this book is to stop negative thinking, particularly what the author calls Mind Loops.  Mind Loops are where someone repeatedly thinks of the same negative thought over and over.  It could be rehashing a traumatizing event, playing an abusive self-talk tape, or someone else.  Regardless of what the negative mind loop thoughts are, one thing is for certain—they are unpleasant and harmful to one’s health.  The author suggests that readers detect, detour, and detach.  Realize you are having a negative mind loop, change your thoughts to something else, and MOVE ON.  This is an oversimplified summary; interested parties should read the book to learn more in-depth.  I personally have had my own negative mind loops and negative self-talk.  With the author’s tips, I have been able to stop myself, redirect my own thoughts, and be more kind to myself.  Life is a journey, and correcting mind loops is a lifestyle choice just like any other lifestyle choice.  If one wants to be healthy, they must diet and exercise every day.  If one wants to have positive thoughts, they need to combat negative mind loops every day.  You are great.  Don’t let anyone else—your mind included—tell you otherwise!


"Adored: 365 Devotions for Young Women" by Zondervan

This black and blue hardcover book has a devotional for every day of the year.  Each day has a Bible quote—either from the New or Old Testament—followed by commentary and then space to journal.  When the author comments on the Bible verses, there is effort to try and apply it to common day issues.  The journal prompts also have this goal in mind.  Aimed at young women, topics range from friendship to body image to confidence to dating.  There are even larger topics covered such as refugees, recycling, and charity.  This book is a great gift for a young woman who may use it to read and journal before bedtime or perhaps in the morning before work / school.  Due to the Christian undertones, I would say the devotionals would sit best with those of a Christian audience.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

"Sacred Slow" by Alicia Britt Chole

When I first saw the words on the cover, "a holy departure from fast faith", I was intrigued to say the least.  Honestly, I expected some advice about meditating and putting down smartphones.  However, what I learned was so much more.  The book is divided into twelve chunks with mini-chapters.  Each bit goes over a lesson and then has activities / homework.  Readers learn about the importance of resting from the biblical Sabbath year.  They also learn how the Israelites were reprimanded for not resting.  Then Chole goes into detail on the impacts on people for not resting in the twenty-first century, as well as tips for how to slow down.  Faith is not a fast-food commodity that can be bought or gobbled down in 5 minutes.  Rather, it must be cultivated.  Chole talks in great detail about the silence of God and how people need to stop measuring their spirituality in terms of what they did.  People need to measure their spirituality in terms of how they are in relationship with God.  There are even practical sections on comparing negative thoughts and on viewing oneself as the beautiful child of God that we are.  With brutal honesty, the author also prompts the reader to journal about how one views God, both positively and negatively.  There are copious references to Jesus and the New Testament, so there are Christian undertones.  There is a great discussion guide in the back and even tips for how to lead retreats, which makes this book excellent not only for personal study but also for leading groups.

Friday, October 27, 2017

"True Identity" by John C. Majors

While aimed at teenagers and young adults, this book offers solid life advice for people of all ages.  There are sections on family, friends, relationship, spiritual growth, and even career paths.  The author focuses on giving the reader the independence to make their own life choices wisely.  Yes, there are plenty of suggestions for the best way to live, but that is ultimately the reader's choice.  Plenty of examples are given along the way.  This book leans Christian but readers are not forced to believe in any one doctrine.  The author merely shares his perspective on his faith.  On other areas of life, there are common sense approaches.  When it comes to dating and relationships, the book highlights real good reasons for saving intimacy for marriage.  When it comes to alcohol, the book talks about the difference between a casual social drink and becoming an alcoholic.  When it comes to balancing spirituality with money, the book talks about the differences between missions and vocations.  There are even non-judgmental sections that cover emerging issues like homosexuality and transgender persons.

Monday, October 23, 2017

"The Awakening of HK Derryberry" by Jim Bradford with Andy Hardin

It is not often that a book makes me rethink my outlook on life or urges me to foster more compassion in my fellow man.  However, this is one of those books!  Mr. Bradford is an elderly gentleman who befriends a blind handicapped boy one day.  The man spots the boy in a chicken restaurant--alone, in a corner, and seemingly bored.  With plenty of time on his hands and a gentle tugging of the heart, the man begins a friendship that morphs into more of a father-son relationship.  Through Mr. Bradford, HK Derryberry becomes famous, rides airplanes, rides boats, visits football players, speaks with CEOs, and more.  What amazes me most from this book is the remarkable charisma HK has, as well as his unquenchable joy in life.  Despite his physical disabilities, his financially difficult upbringing, and his lack of a father / mother in his life, he perseveres.  My review words can not do this book justice.  Read it for yourself.  You will be glad you did.



Thursday, October 19, 2017

"In the Middle of the Mess" by Sheila Walsh

While the cover features a broken teacup and the title boasts words like "mess" and "broken life", I was not expected for how intense this book would be.  Readers learn firsthand about the author's father who committed suicide after he escaped from a mental hospital.  They also learn about the author's mother and how her death affected those around her; the mother's sad case of Alzheimer's is detailed.  Readers also learn about the author's nervous breakdown, thoughts of suicide, and mental institution visits.  Yes, there are triumphant areas of this book where the author speaks about God and quotes Bible verses.  This book has Christian undertones as there are many references to Jesus.  There is definitely hope in this story, and I'm sure many readers will respect how far Walsh has come in her own personal journey of healing.  However, given how depressing the majority of this book is, I definitely want to warn readers.  This is not a book to make you smile.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

"Brave Beauty" by Lynn Cowell

Written like a devotional journal, this book is full of 100 prompts for young girls.  The mini-chapters are no more than a few pages and include journal prompts, short quizzes, and guided prayers.  This book has strong Christian undertones as it has many "dear Jesus" prayers.  Many of the anecdotal stories seem to come from middle school or relate to pre-teens.  While readers of any age can enjoy this book, it is geared towards females as opposed to males.  Sections of the book have to do with beauty, confidence, being loved, and being confident.  This book is empowering for young girls.  They will learn from the Bible and even from the author's own life.  Stories unfold to show how one can be brave and beautiful.   

Friday, October 13, 2017

"The Master's Mind" by Lance Hahn

The general premise behind this book is how to overcome anxiety and negativity with strength and positivity.  The author is a preacher and not a psychologist, so the techniques explained are very set in religion as opposed to psychiatry.  While I personally felt the book was a bit too religious and not psychological enough, I can see how certain audiences would really appreciate this read.  Devout Christians would enjoy this book as there are copious references to Jesus.  Hahn discusses how Jesus overcame negative thoughts and focused on his purpose in life.  Key ideas that stuck with me were how many people choose to believe lies about themselves and worry for hours about events which will likely never occur.  More trust in a higher power and emphasis on prayer / meditation is a good idea for relieving anxiety.  Family problems and addictions were also briefly discussed.  I should note that this book is not anti-medicine since the author himself states how he has been on psychiatric drugs since the late 1990s.  My favorite aspect of this book was how Hahn challenged the notion that religious people have no anxieties.  Religious people, like all other people, need to reshape their thoughts so they add to life, not detract from it.

Friday, October 6, 2017

The Buechner Books

“The Remarkable Ordinary: How to Stop, Look, and Listen to Life” by Frederick Buechner

This book is small but packs a powerful punch.  With just under 10 chapters and a spine width of less than an inch, the book can easily fit into a backpack or purse.  Each essay / lecture included shines light on living in the NOW.  There is not so much a story in the sense of fiction but rather separate chapters all different yet all pointing the reader in the same direction.  While a religious man, Buechner does not shy away from his doubts, insecurities, and faith crises.  He even talks about his complicated family life, including his father’s suicide.  There is not any sort of preaching in these pages, even when Buechner speaks of his Christian religion.  Rather, the letters tell the story of a man at the end of his life.  He paints the story of his life in bits and pieces, looking back at all that was and all that could be.  Very philosophical and introspective, this book is difficult to write a review for.  However, I will say that while this book is insightful and moving, it is also serious.  I recommend it for meditation and not a simple beach read.  The essays will not make you sad, but they will not make you happy.  You will come to ask yourself what you’ve been ignoring and how you can better pay attention to the hourglass of time that is constantly slipping out from under your feet.


“A Crazy, Holy Grace: The Healing Power of Pain and Memory" by Frederick Buechner

To be honest, I did not enjoy this book as much as the other one.  While it is impeccably written and poignantly powerful, it was simply too depressing for me.  Much of the book dealt with the author's troubled childhood.  Many more pages spoke about death and losing friends / loved ones.  There is much insight on the afterlife, how to cope with grief, and how to handle one's past.  All of these things are practical and good to visit now and again.  However, for someone not in a state of grief, it is very hard to keep turning the pages.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

"Ordering your private world" by Gordon MacDonald

"I seem to have misplaced my time, can you help me find it?" is a phrase in this book that really got my attention.  Written from a Christian perspective, this book is sprinkled with stories of success and failure in the arena of time management.  The author is very candid as he shares a sad story of a mid-life crisis and breakdown in his own life.  No one wants to wake up and realize that years of their life has been squandered.  Quotes from some famous and not so famous people are interspersed throughout to give inspiration.  Some are from holy figures such as saints and some are from ordinary people.  The discipline of prayer is discussed heavily as the author notes how few people stop to think about the quality of their spirituality.  This ties into what the book describes as the inner world versus the outer world.  The outer world is clear for the public to see--clothing, accolades, relationships, etc.  However, the inner world is obscured from the public view--depression, emotions, prayer, spirituality, etc.  The cry of this book is to slow down and manage one's time properly.  Every moment spent is a moment lost.  There are incredible feats that people can achieve if they stop and think about what they want.  It is very difficult to write a review for this book since it is not exactly linear.  The chapters are unique but follow the same common theme.  I encourage readers to discover for themselves what they enjoy about ordering their own private world.  Due to disjointed nature of this book, it is very easy to pick up after days of neglect.  I went on vacation and picked up right where I left off without missing a beat!  Also, there is an insightful readers guide in the back of the book that will help facilitate personal growth or book club discussion.

Saturday, September 2, 2017

"Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future" by Ashlee Vance

This biography about billionaire CEO Elon Musk takes readers full circle from childhood to adolescence to young adulthood to adulthood.  The journey begins in South Africa with Musk's childhood dreams and even discusses his dynamic with his mother and his [abusive] father.  Reader learn how Musk escaped to Canada and then America to complete his education and about his early works as a computer coder.  Teaming up with other like-minded friends and family, Musk started an internet business that was very successful.  After selling his initial internet companies Musk gained a lot of capital that helped him invest in what would later become Tesla and SpaceX.  The dream of electric cars and a human colony on Mars may initially seem absurd, but Vance paints a picture of feasibility.  While this book highlights Musk's successes, it does not shy away from failures.  Failed test launches, late products, poor public relations / media coverage, and near bankruptcy are discussed.  For those who wish to work on the future at Tesla or SpaceX, they learn of the horrific work-life balance and the cold nature of Musk as a boss.  Many employees of Musk have been yelled at and pressed to work nights / weekends.  There are more than a few stories of people who were fired on a whim.  Musk's personal life is also covered, and readers learn about his various marriages and divorces.  In the middle of this book are come full-color pictures that go along with the book.  Since this book has some cursing and a few lewd remarks--which I would have preferred were edited out--this book is not recommended for children.

Friday, August 25, 2017

"Get Out of that Pit" by Beth Moore

When I first got this book to review, I thought it'd be some sappy self-help book that would depress me and bore me to tears.  Boy, was I wrong!  Full of real-life advice, this book ties biblical principles to difficult scenarios.  While falling into a pit can be a real physical event, this book talks about analogies that are less tangible.  For instance, a pit can be depression, anxiety, a bad job, a bad relationship, an addiction, a bad habit, and so on.  What I really enjoyed was how Moore discussed different ways of getting into a pit.  Someone can be thrown into a pit, someone can slip into a pit, and someone can jump into a pit.  This is important because it highlights both personal responsibility as well as the idea that not every bad situation is your fault.  Still, there is a clear path forward for getting out of whatever pit one is in.  I won't spill all the details, but I will say the way forward is practical and makes sense.  It also puts trust in God to help.  There is a lot of Bible quotes and a Christian undertone to the book.  Still, Moore writes in such a way that her religious views are not pushy and do not overshadow the main idea of getting out of one's pit(s).  At the end of the book, there are also discussion questions and Bible verses to pray aloud.

"The Legend of Geoffrey" by Toys R Us

I got this lovely children's book and stuffed giraffe for my birthday from Toys R Us.  Even though I am no longer a little kid, I am still a big kid and absolutely adored the combo!  The hardcover, full-color book tells the story of Geoffrey the Giraffe.  While I won't spill the entire plot line, I will say it is full of rhymes.  Readers will learn the personality of Geoffrey and even how he got his stars.  Readers will also identify with the themes of finding oneself and finding one's purpose in life.  Though life gave Geoffrey some doubts and anxieties, he eventually found a purpose-driven calling that makes both him happy and children all around the world burst for joy.  This is a story I plan on reading every time my birthday rolls around.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

"Love Letters from God" by Glenys Nellist and illustrated by Rachel Clowes

Beautifully illustrated and written, this book is a treasure for girls of all ages.  Various Bible stories involving female characters are described in simple language.  These include Bible characters from the Old and New Testament.  Each of these stories takes up a left and right page.  On these pages are illustrations, the Bible heroin's name, an inspirational Bible quote, and a "letter from God."  Each of the "letters from God" are flip-style and have a blank for the reader's name to be written in.  The messages sent to girls are that God cares for them, God is enough, not to worry, not to stress, to pray for troubles, and to trust in God.  At the very end of the book is a flip-style blank letter for the reader to write their very own letter to God.  The book is hardcover with full-cover illustrations and lettering.  The reading level is fifth grade and higher.

Friday, April 28, 2017

"Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

While it seems like a simple concept, saying yes and saying no can be incredibly difficult for many people.  Afraid of guilt, losing relationships, or the unknown, countless people try to do good but lose themselves in the process.  In this book, both PhD authors give sound advice on how to "take control of your life."  There are distinct chapters on boundaries for family, children, spouses, friends, and more.  In the beginning and end of the book, there is a story about a woman with and without boundaries.  The difference is stark and is one left for the reader.  Throughout the book, there is an emphasis on starting small, getting support groups, and dealing with feelings.  When readers start to stand up for themselves, they may be met with unwanted responses.  Nevertheless, drawing lines in the sand is a must.  From a psychological perspective, there is an emphasis on childhood needs and how a lack of boundaries in one's youth may have an impact on adult boundary problems.  Luckily, with help and effort, readers can learn to draw boundaries, regardless of age.  Are you stuck in an unloving relationship?  Do you end up staying late at work?  Do siblings or friends ask you to lend them money?  Does your mother or friend guilt you into countless hours on the telephone?  Then you will gain something from this book.  The greatest message I got from this book is that we are all responsible for ourselves and how we react to others.  If we let others to interfere with our feelings (i.e.- "they made me"), we are not in control in our life.  It should be noted that this book quotes heavily from the Bible, particularly the New Testament, and has many Christian undertones.  Still, the life lessons in the pages apply to people of all faiths.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

"Wired for Dating" by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT

This book goes into the psycho-biological aspects of dating.  Backup up by real neuroscience, the chapters chronicle how the brain works in a dating and courtship environment.  The author explains how lots of "feel good" hormones are released when two people first meet...but that these chemicals can and do wear away over time.  Readers are urged to thoroughly vet any and all potential partners before getting serious.  Since those "feel good" chemicals do go away, people should really take the time to ask the tough questions of potential mates.  They should also meet friends and family to determine what others think of this new person.  There is even a section of breakups, as well as making long-term committed relationships.  This book is quite liberal in that it talks about homo-sexual couples as well as hetero-sexual couples.  I do not agree with all the advice in the book (such as living together before married), but I will say the book offers some excellent insights into the relational brain.

Monday, April 17, 2017

"Clean Skin from Within" by Dr. Trevor Cates

Most all men and women know the gist--there's a big event coming up, our skin is not the best, and we rush to apply whatever skin treatment we can to look out best.  This can be in the form of makeup, cleansers, lotions, etc, and this is just as true for men as it is for women.  But these short-term "prescriptions" do not treat the long-term causes of skin issues.  This is where Dr. Trevor Cates' book comes in.  The entire philosophy is that people need to be internally healthy before they can be externally healthy.  There is an emphasis on diet, exercise, and even mental health (stress can damage skin just as bad as candy can!).  Readers can go to http://theskinquiz.com/ to determine what their skin type is.  What I love about the skin types is that they are named after people.  Instead of just being called "oily" or "dry", skin conditions have real people names like "Amber" and "Heath".  This makes readers feel more like individuals than objects on a doctor's examination table.  Beyond giving advice on well being, Cates also provides recipes for food and health products.  So, not only will readers learn how to make skin-nourishing smoothies, but they will also learn how to make face masks from scratch.  And, don't forget the random tips in this book, such as how to make non-toxic weed killer!  I thoroughly enjoyed this book.  I felt it equipped me with the tools to eat better, feel better, and look better.  Best of all, I did not have to spent hundreds of dollars.  After reading about the benefits of avocado, I took some of my avocado cooking oil and began using it as toner.  I took a simple household kitchen item and turned it into a beauty product for myself--and I am loving the results!  Stop spending money on makeup and cosmetics that just damage your skin in the long term and get your body healthy NOW.  On a final note, I want to state how well-researched this book is.  Dr. Cates is not just some hippy doctor with no scientific basis.  The references section of this book is full of scholarly journal articles, not blog posts or magazine articles.  The research is sound, and the information is refreshing.  Give this book a try for more vibrant skin.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

"Love in 90 Days" by Diane Kirschner, PhD

This book title immediately caught my eye.  Love in 90 days?  Really?  Come on!  But the author is a PhD, so she can't just be making this stuff up.  So I began reading solely out of curiosity.  While I can not say that 90 days is some magical number, the advice that the author gives is excellent.  It sets the way for readers to have the potential for real love.   The most important aspect is labeling men as DUDs versus STUDs, dating multiple people at once before committing to one person, and reprogramming negative self talk.  Let's take a scenario.  Sally has low self esteem and dates Jack.  Jack does not treat Sally very well, but she stays with him because she secretly believe he is the best she could get.  Sally stays with Jack and ends up in a sad marriage.  Now, let's apply the Love in 90 Days philosophies to rewrite that story.  Sally works on herself to develop more self-confidence.  She dates Jack and realizes she deserves better.  Sally does not commit to Jack but instead keeps dating because she knows she can do better.  Eventually, Sally meets Dan who is wonderful and treats her like the jewel that she is.  Sally decides to stay with Dan and goes on to have a happy love.  In the book, the author also emphasizes the importance of what I refer to as, "get up, dress up, show up."  Readers are encouraged to believe in themselves, get makeovers, and go places where men are.  While women do not have to be pursuers in relationships, the author encourages talking to men, starting friendships, and building those confident social skills.  With many relationships based on friendship, it only makes sense that to increase one's odds of meeting that special someone, people need to get out and talk to people.  While the book is geared toward women, I would argue the tips could also work for men.